look no pants
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
