So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
