idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
