you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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