I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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