He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
