all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
