the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
