the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
