Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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