There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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