I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My feet surprised me
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