I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
