its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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