He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
