you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dick very happy bro
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
