She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
