You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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