Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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