when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
