I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
