just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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