Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
