The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
