But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
