My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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