so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
