need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
