Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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