Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
