True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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