how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
