I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
