He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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