I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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