I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
