My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
