two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize