After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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