the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
