It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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