Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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