guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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