my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
