he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
