so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
