I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
