I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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