is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
