You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
