Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
