Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
