happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
