We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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