If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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