I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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