im six kinds of drunk right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
