please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
