Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
