i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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