I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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