wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
