Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
