That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
