I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
