you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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