Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
