I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
