We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
