Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
