I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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