Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
